A New Life, my support team and diversons

After reading through my blog posts over the last year or so I think I’m finally ready to accept the past and continue my ramblings. I’ve struggled with how to segue between my former married life and my new life. Here Goes:

 

I was married, thought I had a lifetime commitment, was happy with the imperfections and excited to work on them. That didn’t happen, now I’m getting divorced. Oh Glorious day!

So new life:

I will have primary custody of Nina. (phew!) I’m buying a house in West Seattle, a sweet (like sugar) cottage and will continue with my floral business as well as some other ventures that I will disclose at a later date.

 

How are things going? Honestly, they are going amazingly well!  I’m so happy and relieved to be out of relationship that was not on the level. I feel so free, renewed and alive! 

 

Throughout this drama I have leaned on some amazing people who have been there for me in spades. I was truly shocked and surprised by the huge network of support i have. I actually never realized it was there so this is truly an eye opening experience. Thank you to everyone who has supported me with your time, love, ear and patience. It has truly made all the difference in my ability to thrive so well during this time. I love you all. Extra special thanks to the Kit and the Meyer family. You are all amazing and so loving.

 

Even though divorce looks like a loss, for me its actually been a gift. I feel truly blessed tot have this opportunity to grow, rethink, and re establish my goals, my true self and realign my life. I have a personal saying though which has helped me manage the past:

 

As it happens, so it is written.

 

It means that the past is perfect. It all happens for a reason and the best thing you can do is keep searching for the lessons. This attitude has served me well in making sense of my memories, keeping resentment at bay and trying to forge a new life without regrets. Life truly is beautiful.

 

Some things have been difficult- communicating with a future ex-husband, getting all the gazillion pieces of the pie together to qualify for a FHA loan- good grief!! But its all coming along. 

 

Establishing my new life is ALL about boundaries. There are so many places in my life that have slippery hinges. I have to be vigilant about how those doors open and who goes through them. So far I feel very strong and determined. I’m remembering once and for all that AP is a viable individual and that I can be self reliant financially, and I can be whole, stand on my two feet and be who I am-without approval. I approve of me and that’s enough! All the help and support is a cherry on top.

That’s said, there are some pretty vital pieces of the puzzle that are coming together-pieces of AP that have been suppressed or denied for too long. That is definitely over. From now on I’m going to live the whole Aimee.

 

Can’t wait!

A new addition

My little Roo has a new addition! A tiny little mole on the left side of her neck! Her first. Its so cute!

There once was a girl who had a little curl!

Its been awhile since I’ve posted and since then Nina has changed so much! She is still my cotton candy, a little sweet potato, a bit of stardust. But now, she is an angel on the move! She can literally run and has been able to for some time now. She started walking at 10 months but she was running at 12!!

She also has many words! She still says Meeeeem but it has some how changed from meaning ‘mom’ to meaning cat! If you ask her where is the kitty? She says Meeeeem! If she sees one of the cats in the house or in a book she says Meeeeem! Its so cute! She also says Mama, and Dat and puppa for puppy. Yesterday morning she started saying Ball as clear as a bell. She would pick it up, walk around the house with it then throw it into  the air, watch it bounce and clap and clap! It makes her so happy!

She is also into hugs now. For so long she was such a busy bee that she didn’t have time for silly things like hugs! She still takes off like a bandit when I set her down at the park or even in a store but sooner rather than never she comes looking for mom and a quick hug. Of course I love it! She is so fun to snuggle.  I’m having a wonderful time with my girl she is such a treasure.

 

Her favorite foods right now:

Watermelon

Blueberries

Peas(still!)

Yogurt

 

 

 

Ok, I’m done pouting.

Back in May right after Nina’s first birthday I wrote long and lovely post about her first birthday part and included all the like details of the day…like how sweet she was sitting in a field of wildflowers, and how she devoured her heart shaped gluten free cake, and how everyone was so great and the weather was actually great. Only the post was full all those spontaneous gems you get when you are thrilled to get a story down and the feeling is fresh. But then WordPress Effed me and lost the whole thing right after I finished the last word. So I’ve been pouting about it.

I’m done though and now: I’m back!

The Gods Must Be Crazy

Ok, so bonafide bad days do happen. I haven’t had one like this since I was in college and locked my keys in my car twice and locked myself out of my house once and missed a final because of it- all in the same day.

So here goes: Woke up to  baby crying in her cribby and Ted’s ghostly face saying that our cars were burglarized. They took two of his credit cards and his work compy- fooey. From my car it looked like they just got a bit of petty cash. It wasn’t until later that I realized they got the camera-with Roo’s surgery photos  on it and our family trip to the arboretum-F**K!!!  I can’t get those back. And it wasn’t until later still that I realized that they also took the check from the wedding I did yesterday ARG!

I called the bride to tell her to cancel the check. She said, OK! Bye! How about a reissue minus the cancellation fee?! I need to get reimbursed please!

Ok moving on…did I mention that is was SNOWING!? Its the middle of April! Enough! I’m tired of “shouting at the rain/snow”. But really Mother Nature, if this keeps up you’ll get a new name…Mother Unnatural? OK, lame…

Did I also mention that while I was driving a MOUSE leaped out of my engine compartment and did a little dance on the windshield then ran back in? Totally freaked me out!

So then I was at the vet trying to pick up Booboo after his seed pod extraction. What??

Yes, my cat inhaled a seed pod and had it stuck in his bronchial tubes. They took a scope with a hook and put it down his air pipe – it went all the way down as low as his heart!

She brought out the pod in a plastic baggie and said,”here’s your $500.00 seed pod!” Cha-ching!

So then we headed home(I should have actually gone up to feed Casper at that point.) Its still snowing.We just rounded the corner to the house and the vet calls.

She said,” um, I think we forgot to give you something.”

“oh really, what?” I asked.

“Your cat,”she said.

“Oh, I hadn’t noticed,”I said.

Laughing ensued while I backed the truck up.

I should really just stop here.

Not a Peep

On Tuesday my little muffet went to Children’s and had her little extra bit removed. Since Nina also has a slight tongue tie, they were recommending that we have her frenulum clipped while she was under. After much research I decided that it would be best to wait. But you know how surgeons are. They are knife happy. When we got in the office DH stared asking questions about it. The doc was very much for having it done (of course.)  I took more of a  lets wait and see if its a problem- we can always do it later stance. Her argument was that ’she’s going to be under anyway’. My answer to that is: well since she’s going to be under anyway, we might as well take out her wisdom teeth too… they might be a problem some day! (she is 1 BTW). I decided that I probably can’t win them all(natural non-intrusive care measures) and let this one go. I cried about it but I accepted it. Seeing her after the surgery, I immediately saw a difference. Her cute little tongue was still cute and little, just a little longer.

Children’s is so awesome. Of course they deal with far more serious cases on a daily basis but I thought they were very empathic, warm and thorough with us and our little angel. When it was time for the anesthesiologist to taker her away for surgery he came in with a warm blanket outstretched. I put her in his arms. At that point I thought that he just wanted to take a look at her. It wasn’t until she was half way down the hall and I saw her sweet little bobble head looking this way and that way that I realized he was taking her to surgery. My initial reaction was: where’s the gurney? It was so nice that they took her in such a soft way.

When the doctor brought her back (again in a  warm blankie) she was still very groggy and her tongue was swollen. She kept licking her lips. Her tongue kept getting in the way. It was so cute. By this time she was really hungry as they had me stop feeding her at 1:30 in the AM. So, while she was still sleepy-eyed and partially drugged I breast fed her and she latched on beautifully. She never had an issue with her tongue from that moment on. I’m so glad.

The anestheiologist said that when he took her back to the OR she never made a peep. She just looked around and even smiled. That’s my girl! He mentioned what a sweet personality she has…..we know! She’s awesome! She did have a bunch of needle marks where they tried to put in the IV so I’m sure she had some big tears over that, poor baby. The surgeon said it was because she is so well fed (she is 50% percentile and 80% breast milk too) so I thought that was pretty funny.

 

We took our little bandaged angel home and she slept in her car seat downstairs where I could see her from 10:30 until about 2:00. When she woke up we had some snuggle time and I took her upstairs to maybe take a nap with me. she just wanted to snuggle more (poor me! LOL!) After some great quiet time she was back to her old Roo tricks of smiley happy play. What a sweet girl.

Little partings – precious things

I’ve been a little under the weather today. Literally and figuratively. Really now, the weather here in the northwest is out of control. Its on the books. There have been 10 mostly sunny days since November. (I resisted the urge to write that in all caps.) That in itself is a dismal number. Saturday though was a little oasis. It got up to 79 degrees! And then Sunday and today it was rainy and 42. Is this a joke? I’m missing the punchline.

As for Saturday, we took the fam to the Arboretum for a walk in the cherry blossoms. It was just lovely. It was the first time Jeff and I had been to the Arboretum together and Nina and puppy’s first time too. We got some great photos under a beautiful cherry tree. There were lots of tots out and about. Nina got to meet some sweet little ones. She loves meeting kids. She is such a little social butterfly.

After the park Jeff and I got into one of classic gridlocks. We couldn’t decide where to get eats. We wandered downtown but it was just not practical with a dog and baby (hello!) So we drove around (and around) for awhile then headed back over the water to kirkland where we had the genius idea to go to the Beach Cafe. Turns out all of Seattle had the same genius idea! So we waited for about an hour. It was actually quite nice. The sun was out, it was warm, and we found a nice little secluded table where I fed Nina and we waited for that little gizmo to beep, vibrate or flash or all of the above. It did finally.

 We snagged an apple from the entry on the way in as a toy for Nina. When we were seated at our little table that apple became a boon. Since the place was packed service was sloooooow. We ended up biting little pieces off the apple and feeding them to Nina. Every time we would stop she would squeal! So funny. So we kept pushing apple bits her way. It was a really nice time and I actually ate great meal of gluten free gumbo.

Sunday was all masters all the time. It was suspenseful, it was golf, it was the masters. ‘Nuf said.

Back to the weather. When I was a kid there was a made for TV movie I watched and loved. I’ve thought of it much over the years and certainly this winter. It is the retelling of a Ray Bradbury story called All Summer in a Day. When I was kid in Michigan I thought how horrible for these poor kids in the story. They live on Venus where is rains nonstop and the sun comes out every seven years or so for an hour. To get thier vitamin D they are forced to bathe in front of light boxes. Hmm, this is all feeling very familiar. Little did I know that 26 years after I saw that I would be sitting in my living room on one more sunless day going over my light box catalog, counting the days until my insurance company delivers the goods.

So there’s that. Also Booboo kitty is very sick. He started having difficulty breathing on Saturday then it got a lot worse on Sunday. This morning I took him to the vet (they were VERY nice) and had a bunch of ex-rays (cha-ching!) and they still don’t know what is wrong with him. He’s on steroids and antibiotics. So we will see what if either of them works. I feel so bad for him. They think he may have asthma poor kid.

While I was there a gentleman brought in his 14 year old golden retriever, Maggie. He carried her in. It was Maggie’s day to head over the rainbow. Poor sweet Maggie!

Uplifting day! Not to mention that last night we watched Hotel Rwanda. It haunted me all day. How can people be so easily led into evil? It is so frightening. I can barely wrap my head around that kind of horror. It gets me wondering about myself. I put myself in the Paul category of course. But what about my neighbors? I’m sure they feel the same. So where does it start? How does hate get so out of control.  As I was busy about the house today I kept trying to evaluate our society as I see it(limited view) and the only hope I could come up with was: We spend billions of dollars a year trying to nurture and pamper our pets. Could we as a people pick up arms and begin killing each other? My hope is no.

So with that, the final bit that has me uneasy today is that in the morning my sweet daugther will have surgery. Its a simple thing really. She will have a large skin tag removed from her neck. It will only take 30 minutes, but she will be have to be under general for it. A mom worries. I love her. Every part of her. I’ll miss that little tag. Its part of my sweet Nina. But I’m sure when she is 16 she’ll be glad its gone!

Good night all the preciuos things I love and all the precious things that are loved.

 

Weather: See above

Food: grain free since Sunday. Lots of veg, frittata, nuts.

Mood: a bit gloomy but hopeful

Prince Caspian We Love You

Well we decided. Its time to give Casper a new home. He needs someone to be his partner, his buddy, his confidant and playmate. i just don’t have the time anymore with Jeff working so many hours and with Nina as priority number 1.

Casper is such a good boy. Such a great horse. I’ve been thinking about regrets. Casper is my dream horse. He is the horse I was supposed to go all the way with: Parelli levels, endurance riding, dressage, freestyle. Its wild to think that just a  few years ago I never thought I’d ever own a horse and now as life has it, I have my dream horse but life has other plans. Mm. Thats a bitter little pill. Its hard you know to sell a horse, especially one you love. So many use the softer word ”rehome” but to me its just desgined to make you feel better about what is really going on. The fact is-I’m selling him. I’m removing him from my care. It sucks but its true. I made a commitment to him and I didn’t uphold my end of the bargain. That I have to live with.

But the good news is: Its the right thing to do. He needs a partner, he needs more exercises, he needs a job. The truth is I’m really excited for him. I can’t wait to find him his next home. I know he will make a great companion for some special person. He is a horse full of love, kindness and heart. He has a clown’s sense of the absurd but the heart of a lion. We love you Prince Caspian, Casper, Slappy the Boy. You have been a great friend and a great teacher.

 

You’ll always be my little dream horse, I feel blessed to have had you as a freind and parnter these years.

 

Best Brunch Ever and strange meetings

Those First steps!

Just the day before Jeff and I were debating about when Roo would take her first steps. I said it would be two weeks, Jeff said a momth.  Well we were both wrong.

We finally had a day to spend togther. Jeff has been working such long hours its hard to even get a hug in let alone some good hangout time. So this Saturday we packed Roo in her car seat and went out into the world.

Jeff had a quick meeting in West Seattle so nina and i went driving around and (of course) ended up at La Roo. I only had 45 minutes so I tried to make it quick. I hadn’t seen Dad since he got back from Italy.  I pulled up to the house and was looking forward ot suprising them but as i walked up the drive way dad was already half way down the wlak with his arms outstreched for Nina. It was sweet.

They immeditaley set to playing with and loving on her. She had two phones, one for each hand. She would not put them down. She tried to put them both in one had so she could play with something else but they were too heavy. Before i knew ot was was toddling over to me foot by foot carrying her two phones. My dad got the whole thing on tape. I was totally in denial. I said,”that doesn’t count!” i don’t knwo why.. I think I wasn’t ready. nina responded by wlaking again, but this time further. I was officially official. Nina took her first steps! I scooped her up and sweezed her. I’m so proud of my girl.